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You know, for being the most advanced society on Earth. Our population is comprised of some of the dumbest people God created. Maybe the Soviets were right all along when they claimed that Russians invented everything. Because if you look at the typical couch potato in the United States, most of us are even too dumb to use the microwave oven in our kitchen. Thank about it. "Hey, Marge...make me a bowl of popcorn!" Or, "Hey, Marge, what does 'sensor reheat' mean?" Or, "...what's the difference between just cooking something and sensor cooking it?" Who's going to believe that something from this gene pool had the brain power to create penicillin or became the first man to walk on the moon?

In Nov, 2007 US Senator Barack Obama [D-IL] decided to run for President of the United States. His only promise to the American people was that he was going to change America. In fact, the precise, verbatim statement he made to the voters was: "We live in the greatest country in the world...help me change it." To me, he sounded like a guy determined to change the country for the worse. After all, if you really think about what he said that's what he meant. If you didn't get it the first time, I'll write slower this time..."We live in the greatest country in the world...help me change it." He didn't say, "We live in a country with a lot of problems..." or, he didn't say, "We live in a crappy country. Help me change it." No. He said we lived in the best country in the world, and he wanted to change it. The scary thing, with a handful of communist henchmen and a brain dead Congress filled with socialists just like him, he's actually doing it—and, we're letting him get away with it!

What did you think when he started to fast track his legislative agenda? That the country was in such dire straits that if he didn't get his legislation through in the first five or ten minutes of his Administration the country would go up in flames? Of course not. He knew—and we knew—he had to pass it before someone actually read it. He knew if America read the bill, the crap he was trying to legislate would end up on the bottom of his own shoes. (Of course, Bo, the new White House Portuguese water dog, would get the blame. )

To create the crisis Obama and the industrialized nations needed to con the people that the entire free market system was in jeopardy of collapse if the world didn't bail out about $200 billion in subprime mortgages (which the Obama people blamed on former President George Bush) even though Chicago community activist Barack Obama was the person who dreamed up the notion of financing subprime mortgages for minorities with credit histories that told any banker in the world they would not make their mortgage payments and the houses would eventually go into foreclosure.) The collapse of the subprime hedge funds virtually put the stock market in free fall.

Back in the more sane and more traditionally American days of 1938, Sen. Carter Glass, who was then waging war with Franklin D. Roosevelt over the gold standard (which Roosevelt wanted to dump), Glass forced the Fed to institute a practice known as the UPTICK RULE. During the Stock Market Crash of 1929, hedge funds—on orders from JP Morgan, Morgan Stanley, Lehman Brothers and other hedge fund bankers—controlled the rise and fall of stock by implementing what was known at the time as the DOWNTiCK. When a stock started to slide (due largely to rumors started by JP Morgan), the short sellers would help it along by dumping the stock and encouraging the price to collapse. What should have been the illegal part of the scheme centered around the ownership stock the short sellers were dumping since it was stock they, at the moment, didn't even own. For example, let's say a company named ABBA, Inc opened at $10.00 a share on Oct. 27, 1929. An hour later, the price drops to $9.64. The short sellers would then pounce on it and start selling. In this case, let's say Herbie's Hedge Fund put in an order to sell 50 thousand shares of ABBA. By noon, ABAA's selling at 5.48. Just before the market closes, the stock is hanging on at 3.32. Herbie puts in an order and buys 50 thousand shares at 3.32.

He delivers the 50 thousand shares. The broker writes him a check for $482,000.00. After paying for the 50,000 shares after the price collapsed, the short seller pockets $316,000.00. All you need to be short seller is an adequate line of credit. Since almost all short sellers are owned by the major investment banking houses, they have all the equity they need to become a short seller. Its easier than robbing a bank—and far more legal.

It should be a crime. In fact, the practice was theoretically criminalized in 1938 when it was outlawed by moderate Democrats and Republicans in the House and Senate as the American people began to tire of the shenanigans of the Roosevelt New Dealers who fabricated a decade long depression of to rape the American people and radically alter the American Republic. In fact, the shattered remnants of the Republic, destroyed with the illegal ratification of the 17th Amendment stripped the States of their third share of power in the equation of governing, ending the American Republic and initiating what has become a Socialist Democracy since the Roosevelt years.

What the Democrats missed most in the Bush-43/Obama crisis was the DOWNTICK RULE. The UPTICK RULE, put into place in 1938 kept hedge funds from short selling. What that meant was the only way they could short sell stock (sell stock they didn't own) was buy it as the price was rising and hope that during the day something would cause the stock to drop. Of course, there are a hundred ways to manipulate stock, but none of them are sure things. The only sure thing was to get the UPTICK RULE rescinded. Which they did. The glory days of 1929 were suddenly back. All of the hedge fund brokers in America were suddenly singing, "Happy days are here again..."

After watching the short sellers and naked short sellers (no, they don't sell in the nude), rip off the IRAs and 401Ks of American investors to the tune of $ in a matter of a weeks, I realized something I never thought about before. There actually is a legalized form of bank robbery in the United States.

I got on the telephone and called the great-grand nephews of a few old acquaintances: John Dilligner IV, Baby Face Nelson IV, and Ma Barker's great, great granddaughter to give them the news on the best way to rob a bank without getting shot or going to prison. I hope to kiss the wrong end of a donkey with diarrhea if they didn't all get hoppin' mad. The found themselves a dictionary and wrote the attached letter {below). They sent it to Congress. (I thought they were going to ask for a pardon.)


(Johnny-Four—we call him—sure can turn a word. He said, "We the Bank Robbers Association of America, are now imploring the United States Congress not to discriminate against us. Sometime during the summer of 2007 when we were paying too much attention to lifting weights (not much else to do when you're in the pen), youse guys rescinded the UPTICK RULE and are now letting short sellers sell stocks short with impunity (that means youse guys ain't stopping them).

We was all mad at first, but when we got to talkin' about it, we realized it was a pretty good idea. If youse guys ever wanna create a gang, we all wanna join. Talk about a dynamite idea! Legalized robbery—and not just the penny ante crap like we did. But robbery on a wholesale level...and best of all, without guns. Who'd thought you could stick up a bank without a gun! And, what's more, short sellers get to do their thing without any fear of going to jail. What a novel idea. Who'da thought such a thing could be possible in America? Man, who's president now? I know Capone's dead. Must be one of the new Chicago boys like Rahm Emanuel, or David Axelrod or maybe that skinny kid...you know...the Kenyan. Obama something or other. Anyway you look at this deal, it looks real good. Before long, these guys'll own the Fed. Man, this is the caper of the century!

When you see their pictures, its usually on the society page of the local papers, or it's on their office wall, shaking hands with someone important. When you see our pictures, they're always on the wall at the Post Office. (That's why we have to wear masks when we work.) Unless, of course, winter's coming and we need a warm place to sleep. Those Chicago air vents are warm, but they're murder on a bad back.

I know things are changing fast today. But, we're still stuck with the old ways. The white collar guys have all the laws on their side. We take all the risks. They make all the money. I tell ya, it ain't fair. They do all their shooting on the golf course. We dodge bullets because if we fire a gun when we rob the bank, they add ten to twenty years to the sentence. I tell you again—it ain't fair!

Legalizing short selling has caused our economy and the public investor to lose millions, if not billions, of dollars. Short sellers have caused a recession that's starting to look more like the Roosevelt's Depression (and everyone blames that piker Hoover for a 2-year recession caused by Roosevelt's banker friends). This Obama guy is looking more and more like FDR—and he's actually a lot more scary than Johnny-Four's grandfather.

We don't think it's fair that we are being discriminated against by short sellers. If Congress and the Fed can legalize the theft of the entire wealth of the middle class through short selling, they should legalize bank robbery, too! At least we don't steal as much money as the short sellers.

We, the Bank Robbers of American Association believe we are entitled to the same privileges as the short sellers who have the legal right to loot the wealth of America with impunity.

CONGRESS: if you continue to discriminate against us, we will be forced to consider taking our case before the US Supreme Court of the United States. After all, if you are going to legalize one form of bank robbery, then its only right that you legalize all of them. Particularly bank robbery since we've been around as long as there have been banks. Short selling has been around only as long as there have been DEMOCRATS.



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